I don't think there's a way to describe the way I think.
Maybe, through my actions - yes - but I can't seem to convey some things I think or ways I think into words. God gave me this mind that astounds me everyday. One that takes pictures and videos everyday. Storing them up in tons of albums in my library of memories. Literally. I have a library of memories.
Memories are precious things. They help us grow. We learn lessons of life from the past. We cherish passed loved ones. Our memory is so fine tuned. Some of us remember conversations more than what things looked like. Some of us remember smells and taste more than sight or conversation. We are each so unique in our way of memory. And while it fascinates me that we have these unlimited memory minds (or so it seems), we can over remember.
That, my friends, is where I often sit. Surrounded by the past. Pondering the past. Dreaming up the past. Wishing about the past. Wondering about the past. Mulling over the past. It's all the past. The past. The past.
About a year ago, I started on a steep learning curve to STOP mentally living in my past. The things I've done, places I've been, words I've said, dreams I've had.
Sure, a LOT of what I've lived through I WANT to remember... but there came a time when I was obsessed with dwelling on past things. I would compare today with the happiest times back, way back. I'd get grumpy and annoyed that I didn't live in such a beautiful place or house or country - now. I'd wish myself doing things I used to do. Despairing over opportunities I didn't take or words I didn't speak. Regrets.
My mind was so trapped in that constant "past" mentality and I just had zeroooo idea.
A year has gone by. Where am I now? What have I learned?
I pondered that today.
I see hope in the future and grow everyday to see the future at all. I am growing to see the hope and life and beauty in TODAY. Not yesterday.
I look towards tomorrow. With anticipation and excitement. Expecting good things ahead, new journeys. New life lessons. New hope and joy.
The future no longer makes me tremble and scared. It no longer repels me. I am learning to let go of dwelling on the past. Rest in the Lord. He holds it all in His hands. He holds the future.
Life is worth the living.
Because He lives!
The regret and pain and experiences, the joys and opportunities, those will not be forgotten. They remain in the mental library.
But I have learned. There is really no need to pull those albums out everyday. To look over all of it everyday or be reminded by everything around me. I learn to choose the NOW instead of the past.
The future is bright - whatever God has in store is always, always, always for the good of those who trust in Him.
I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting this things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before,
I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.