the miracle that changed everything // when I walk on the waters

I knew miracles happened. But I didn't think one could happen in my life. 

welcome to the story that has changed my life in the last 48 hours...

I had no idea that my quiet time would end up saving me from an anxiety attack. Yeah. You read that right. I had the most incredible quiet time that Thursday morning. I spent time reading my Bible {because YAY I am reading the entire Bible this year!} and then began journaling and praying. The Lord began showing me things about anxiety and trust that I had never really realized before. 
Where there is complete trust, anxiety can't even begin to take root. When you trust someone completely - why ever would you all of a sudden have anxiety about something in your relationship? It doesn't even make sense to trust and at the same time still be sitting over here MIStrusting! 
I knew, I trusted God. But did I really? I've been dealing with anxiety in the last few weeks. It's hard to overcome. It's hard to live with. It's hard to be positive. Anxiety just shoves trust out of the door. It crowds your mind and heart and chains you to the ground of worry. 

 photo credit: Grant Sylvester  

photo credit: Grant Sylvester  

My mind was blown. What? No wonder I was starting to have crazy doubt issues about what my next step was, where God was leading me... doubt is like.... oooooh! lets move in! anxiety cleared out trust! This is awesome!
UH. NO THANK YOU. Who wants doubt and anxiety to move in? NOOOOT ME. you? no? I thought so!
So, what about my mind? doubt and anxiety are so closely tied together - and my mind going from one to the other.... how do I apply it? Ah - and then I read in Psalm 34:8 - "O taste and see that the Lord is good! Blessed is the man who trusts in Him."
Hmm. I know I have a will, and I have a strong one at that. What if I use it to CHOOSE to trust instead of doubt and have anxiety when a situation comes up?

Little did I know... a situation would come up that very day.

It was a busy day, maybe even considered on the stressful side. A little after my quiet time with the Lord, I left for my work shift - the last. The last? You bet! The last at my retail job before I left two days later for another five month adventure with YWAM {Youth With A Mission}. 
On my first break I checked my messages to find a message informing me that I would need $2600 out of $3595 to be able to go to the School of Evangelism (SOE) that I planned to attend in two days. 

I was speechless. How in the world would I raise that much funding in less than 2 days?!?!

sounds kind of impossible- #amiright?

My mind immediately wanted and started going into “anxiety” mode. It’s like there is a trained pathway in your brain - and those pathways that are negative (like anxiety) processing need reprogramming basically. 

Remember my amazing quiet time on trust vs. anxiety? Yeah. It came to mind pretty much immediately and I stopped short. *screech of the brakes* 

Wait a minute! Hadn’t I been thinking about making CONSCIOUS decisions to choose to TRUST instead of doubt and worry? Here was one of these moments! 

I instantly started choosing to change my thought process. Trust over anxiety. I went back to work praying constantly.

 “Lord, how am I going to do this?! I know You work incredible miracles. This right here is going to need YOU to move. I’ve done everything I can. I’m leaving this completely up to you. If I should go, bring in the funds and show me if there is something I can do. If I shouldn’t go, make that clear and show me the way.” 

I left work with a bit of a heavy heart, wondering and praying and realizing it would be a long while before I ever saw anyone there again. 
I left, and on my 40 minute drive home poured all of the words that had been silently said in my head, the thoughts in my heart and the emotions out. I talked to Jesus and realized, He knows what He's doing.....
 

You know, that evening after I had given over everything. After I had surrendered and acknowledged that He could provide, He would bring good no matter what happened, I was able to lay down my ideas and my worries at His feet and just rely on a Him and be still. 

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I went to sleep, knowing something would happen, but not knowing what would happen. I was anticipating something. But what? Something. Something that the Lord had for me. I knew He would come through and bring clarity. 

 

 

PART ONE /// the miracle that changed everything  

the miracle that changed everything // when I walk on the waters